It’s been a little over two weeks since moving from Germany. I’d like to say it is all done, and the family is settled but nothing could be further from reality. A temporary living facility is still home as we await delivery of our household items. Work continues on the kitchen that is being remodeled and there is still no flooring to cover the cement slab the house sits on. When I assess the many things that need to be accomplished to officially begin my business, changewithdane.com, I have made minimal progress on the list.
When I had considered the myriad of things that needed to be accomplished in relation to retiring and my last move I thought by now a floor would largely be laid, I’d have an office location, I’d have my own vehicle back, all decisions regarding the kitchen would be settled and in place and I would feel at peace and at ease with progress and the status for these major life changes. However, I get to now practice my coping skills related to expectation management.
First, I did not account for how out of sorts I would feel everyday waking up as a retired person, without a job and needing to provide structure and meaning for myself. I know there is much to do and lots of things I can spend my effort and energy on, but it is so different from the last 27 years of my life that its been a much more challenging adjustment than I had expected. I think this realization and acceptance will be something I will be working on for some time.
Second, all the decisions involved with these many changes is exhausting. Initially, the decisions about color and function and materials and locations were exciting, especially thinking about the end result and how nice things could be. But when you are in the moment and things cost significant amounts of money and you realize there is almost an endless array of options and you feel the pressure to pick just the right one, and it has to be done at just the right time for the contractor to do their job, well that is more than overwhelming and I did not expect this aspect to be so hard.
Third, I’ve once again had to remind myself that things take time, and the world does not necessarily run on my schedule. There are many moving pieces, lots of people and places involved and the success of getting the kitchen renovated, the business open, and the move all completed rely on a network of people that must do their small parts in the grand scheme of each of these tasks. To expect perfection in this process or even for them to conform in ways they are unable to, in order to simply satisfy my needs on my timeline is not fair or realistic. Again, an opportunity to manage my expectations.
Ultimately, I can take comfort in the knowledge that things have been resolving, stuff is getting done and progress is happening even if slow and is facilitated by much mental and physical labor. Many deep breaths, forcing myself to focus on the progress and then the small steps for more things to progress rather than ruminate on the should’ves or could’ves have been helpful. And just not giving up on the decisions but seeing them through has also seemed to quell the negative emotion. We will always have expectations with change. Finding ways to manage them can help with what is often an emotional process.